Captain Awesome had been discussing my schedule and stress at trying to workout AND be more disciplined with my nutrition. He said to me that to be honest, I didn't really even need to workout if I'd just double down on my attention to food.
This is important as after two tris under my belt, I really want my new focus this next year to be towards making my weight goal. I plan to do another Tri next year but the focus now needs to be more on my weight and making my goal. So. I tried to quit.
It wasn't hard to get busy with other stuff and focus more on school and work and P. But...
I had started to use my running as a coping technique for stress. For depression. For frustration. For all sorts of things. When I stopped.... Big surprise, I started to turn towards food again for that. It's easy and fast and I justified it with the fact I had been doing so well but....
But, that's not good. I'm slipping back into old bad habits. I don't want to go back to those. I don't want to be that girl again. I like the new me who is happy and throws on her running shoes or lifts like a beast to trample stress. Not the girl who relied on a croissant to hug her sadness.
So. I have to go back. I can't quit. I have been even more stressed, depressed, and moody since I tried.
I made the decision last night and when I finish this post I am lacing up and heading out. When I get back I will sit down and work on my menu for this week and do my damnedest to be better about it.
But I can't give up my running.
I won't give up my running.
I'm addicted and I think that's a good thing.
Onward.
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