I was discussing the
response by Henry Rollins with Thomas last night and he commented, “He's gotten far too tolerant with
age. He's right about the larger issues that need to be dealt with, but my
patience for humanity ran out long ago. In my totalitarian domain these
douchebags would be screaming for death by the time justice was administered.”
My
response was that I agreed with him and that I thought society as a whole was
so apathetic that while I agreed with the spirit of what Rollins said, I had
long since given up expecting anyone to actually care enough to think as he
suggested, examine themselves or others as he suggested or to even care enough to do anything about it. And I
mean REALLY CARE. Not this “oh, that’s so terrible” mouth noise people make at
the supermarket or water cooler until some new shiny distracts them. I said to
him, “Passion is an antiquated notion, no longer a vital standard.” And then we
moved on to other topics.
It got me to thinking though. About rape and how I teach my daughter and what I have been through myself. And before you get all snarky with me, I have been raped so I feel uniquely qualified to put my two cents in.My rape was not as the result of being drunk or in the wrong place at the wrong time, mine was the result of trusting someone I shouldn't. That doesn't negate the rest of what I am about to say though.
Humans are brutal idiots.
Every single day of your life there are predators out there looking to hurt you or destroy you or, at the very least, are so oblivious to your existence that they will crush you if you happen to get in their way in the same manner in which I might step on an ant as a stroll to the mailbox at the end of the drive to check today’s post. There are two ways to approach this reality. Ignorant or informed. You may choose to go through life ignorant to the dangers. I do not find that a valuable stance to take when it comes to my health and welfare. This is what I teach my daughter. But the gist can be applied to men as well as women, young as well as old, social status and environment can be variables that may require additional precautions, preparations or plans, but the principles stand.
1. Trust no one. Yes. That is right. You can be polite, gracious, generous and kind but that in no way shape or form is related to “trust”. Over time, people may evolve in your life and show you that they deserve to be trusted but in the end, everyone else has ONLY their own self interests at heart and you most certainly will always triage second in their mind. This does not mean you cannot love and trust a man or your parent or a close friend or family member. It means that there are never any huge events in which a person demonstrates their trustworthiness to you but there are millions of little opportunities. Pay very close attention to people and their agendas and where their priorities lie. Pay very close attention as to how they address what is important in their life and how they demonstrate their integrity. In the end, as Endora taught me, you will find the number of people you can sincerely trust most likely will be counted on one hand and you will have fingers left over.
2. Do not drink or place yourself in a vulnerable position around people you do not trust. Simple as that. I know many people wonder why I don’t drink. I do drink. I just drink when and where it is responsible and I feel safe. I will not drink more than one drink if I am planning to get behind the wheel or if there is even a remote possibility I might have to. When I went on the cruise, I enjoyed a few glasses of wine with dinner each night because I was with people I trusted and I was relatively confident I would not suddenly have to operate heavy machinery on the cruise ship. You do not have to be a tee totaling Nazi about it. You can enjoy a drink but be very cognizant of that drink, never leave it alone or unobserved (even if it is non alcoholic). People who have been on trips with me or out with me might have noticed a few things: if I don’t want to be staring at my drink I will casually be holding it with my napkin over it instead of under it, I will often down the entire drink at once and if I set it on the table unfinished and step away I will never pick it back up again no matter how much is left. I also do not ever if rarely drink in public. Mystery Man has seen this first hand. I will not drink while out or at the club with him but happily downed a glass of wine while snuggled in his arms one night. Cause I trusted him. I drank at my birthday party because I did not plan to go anywhere (I was at home) and I was with friends I trusted. The net net of this is that alcohol impairs your reaction time, your ability to make decisions and your ability to defend yourself from attack. Do women who drink “deserved to be raped”? No. Of course not. But it’s pretty obvious the rapist and courts don’t really seem to care about what the victim deserves so keep that in mind. Rape is wrong and unacceptable but going back to my main point, humans are brutal idiots, it is my own personal mode of operation not to contribute to danger in my life. It’s dangerous enough without me helping it along.
3. Drugs. And I am talking about illegal drugs in addition to alcohol as well as some legal prescription drugs. Drugs are for slaves. That’s my opinion. I have no use for them. This is not an invitation to discuss them. I really don’t care what YOU think. This is about what I think. We each make our own choices in life and I choose not to do drugs because they impair your abilities in the same manner in which alcohol does if not worse. If you must take prescription drugs or over the counter drugs (like Nyquil) be responsible and stay in your nice warm and fluffy bed. There is a time and place for serious medication and it's use has a function that should not be abused or disrespected. If you must use drugs for medical reasons, do not go out in a dark ally or to a frat party full of drunk horny guys. It’s really a no brainer.
4. Learn self defense. It’s not hard. You can buy books, take classes, watch videos, learn from a friend, take a seminar etc. Learn how to defend yourself. The two biggest advantages you have in a potential fight is the ability to get away and strength to help you get away. P knows what I have taught her (I won’t articulate it here as that would be bad OPSEC) but the second part involves running like the wind because most people are fat out of shape slobs and that is a tool in her protection. My Sifu taught me that the best way to win a fight is to avoid a fight. The best way to not get in a situation is to go out of your way to avoid a situation. You cannot predict or prevent 100% of the potential violence headed in your direction but you can greatly increase your odds as to how much you may encounter.Will this involve avoiding stupid people and out of control situations? Yes. I have no problem with that. If you simply cannot function without them then adjust accordingly and take responsibility for your safety.
5. Be aware of your surroundings and the people in them. THINK. I know this is beyond the capability of a majority of the herd but if you can pull your head out of your ass long enough to focus on this, please do. It might save your life or at the very least protect your vagina from unwanted visitors.
That’s it. My opinion of the rape verdict is that I long ago gave up on the “justice system” working. That was while I was a cop. We had a joke in that it’s not the “justice” system. It’s the “legal” system. (Cops aren't judge and jury, we simply escort them there...it's the courts and the system that keep letting them go or giving them slaps on the wrist). Remember that. Women who wear short skirts or who have a few beers while out with friends do not “deserve” to get raped. But just like on the Serengeti while the dawn breaks into shimmery rose gold brilliance above the watering hole as the exotic animals lower their delicate heads to drink…a predator can come from anywhere. They will attack the closest or most convenient and for sure the weakest. Don’t be the most convenient or weakest. There are times you may be and for that I am sorry. There are situations you cannot predict where despite your best of intentions or preparations, you will be attacked and you might be hurt very badly. And, for that, I am sorry. But your survival and protection of self should not be dependent on the verdict of any case. Even if they had shot those boys in the street and let the bodies hit the floor….there are thousands waiting to take their place. You cannot legislate morals or consideration or even brains. Your focus should not be on the aftermath or the verdict. Your focus should be on keeping yourself safe and teaching your daughters to be safe as well as your sons not to rape. It should also be on the fact that others do not. Stop waiting for society to “fix” itself. It never has and it most likely never will. This may sound jaded and it is. In no way does this suggest you should never go out or have fun or enjoy your life. It merely points out you should be aware and careful while you do least you suffer the consequences. You might not deserve the consequences but your predator has shown that it really does not care what you or society thinks.
