There Are Two Kinds Of Men

While my daughter sleeps and the morning is still quiet, my mind wanders to a comment once made to me by Thomas.

"They are right. A tat would only ruin it."

This was in reply to my musing to him about getting a tattoo to cover the scar I have from a surgery I had gone through.  Actually, I have two scars.  One is about ten inches long and the other is about two feet long.  Of course, I have other scars also.  I have a scar on my left cheek, high up near the corner of my eye.  That one actually looks like a dimple and most mistake it for that.  I have another scar across the notch area of the collar bone from my cancer biopsy.  I also have scars on the tops of my feet from a lymphangiogram (also from the cancer).  I have a scar on the back of my right hand. Thin, light, a wisp almost but it's there if you are looking.  Then, of course, I have a speckling of scars under my breasts from the breathing tubes and chest tubes.  Oh, and can't forget the scar from my daughter's c-section (breech anyone?). 

It occurred to me that if I tattooed every scar I had to "disguise" it, I could be a circus sideshow freak.  Or, these days, just work in a biker bar. 

As an artist, the idea of incorporating the scar into something artistic and beautiful had a creative vibe to it.

As a woman, as much as I like tattoos, I really didn't want to look like a tacky piece of bar trash.

So I ask Thomas for his opinion. He is a man.  A man who finds me incredibly attractive, I might add.  I had sort of expected him to maybe suggest some ideas for what types of art I could go with but his unreserved and almost emphatic negative was sweet.  And appreciated.

There are a ton of men in this world that value a woman for how she looks but ONLY if she fits into what society has manipulated them into thinking is "perfect".  And these men base their self worth on how close to perfect they can get with whatever woman they find.  Then, they proceed to show these women off as if to say, "Look at me!  I have a pretty girl so that must mean I am hot shit!  I must have an enormous penis!  I must make alot of money! I must be handsome as everyone else has to be as conceited as I am thus such a pretty girl would never be with a rover!"

Amusing. 

I have nothing against pretty women.  I love to look at them as much as the next person who can truly appreciate a beautiful thing.

What I find most wonderful though is that there are men who do not buy into this entire Madison Avenue, Beverly Hills, Hollywood, Fashion Runway ideal of what a woman "should" be.  They recognize that marketers want to manipulate the ideal of a woman's body for two reasons.  First, if they tell men this is what is worth money, men will spend money to get it.  Second, if they convince women that men will never want them unless they look like this, then women will spend billions of dollars to buy the latest shoes, makeup, accessories, diet plans, liposuction, and clothing to make them look as close to this ideal as they possibly can so they can get the man.

A vicious circle, no?

So, here is my secret.  I like that I am a pretty attractive woman.  But, I also like that I have flaws.  I like that there are things about me that would send the average Paris HIlton type weeping to a variety of doctors and boutiques.  Why?  It's called a FILTER.  Yes.  A filter.  It filters out the men who aren't worth wasting your time on.  It filters out the women who are petty and shallow and worthless for anything other then clothes hangers or a good fuck.

It allows you to identify those who have the true potential to be real friends.  And real friends are worth more then revolving door BFFs any day.

So.  My dear sweet Thomas says to me,

"Those scars are like the scars of a warrior.  They show what you have been through.  What you have fought against and what you have fought for. They show that you can stand tall and win over any challenge and that you are not afraid.  They show your toughness and your unbreakable spirit because when I see how many you have and that you are not a down trodden female but still a wild and spirited woman it shows me your true strength of character.  It shows me your soul. Don't cover them with meaningless ink.  Wear them proudly and to those who find them ugly and unattractive, it is because they have no respect or honor for what it took to get them."

A real man will love my scars because they are a part of me.

A real man will love my imperfections because they are what sets me apart from the plastic cookie cutter woman.

I am so honoured to know so many men and women who love me deep and true for who I really am. They love the beautiful me and they love the parts of me that only further enhance the beauty.

Thank you so much.  You all know who you are.