But Oz Never Did Give Nothing To The Tin Man (June 2003)

..That he didn't, didn't already have.

I formulated this essay in my head this morning while lying on the couch in the dark listening to the rain.  I was thinking about my step-son who would be getting up soon and how I was going to deal with him today after he came home from school in trouble again yesterday.

I am not against or opposed to some deep internal reflection on myself.  I do not consider myself perfect nor always right.  My point of frustration lay smack dab in the middle of the fact that I am trying to help this son (step son) break out of some very deeply ingrained and very crippling habits he learned from his biological mother. 

I thought of the exasperation.  Of the annoyance.  Of the sheer frustration of having to deal with these problems over and over and over again.  Each time he promises that he gets it this time.  Each time I get promises that he will really try harder.  Each time he fails.

Or does he?  Maybe he does get it.  Maybe he gets it but not how I want him to.  Maybe he really is trying harder for him.  Trying harder doesn’t mean being perfect, I reminded myself.  Trying harder means just that.  Trying harder. 

I was experiencing a moment of uncertainty.  Perhaps the hardest part of dealing with this child and his challenges was dealing with what I perceived to be my failure because I couldn’t or hadn’t yet fixed him.

Speaking about a child like he was a broken toy that I could just snap together or change the batteries in.

This lead me to think critically and look to the Temple for guidance.  What would the Temple tell me to do?  What would the Adepts and Sorcerers and Priests tell me?  What would the Predators and even Initiates say?  I thought.  And thought.  And then thought some more.

And I realized that it wasn’t important exactly WHAT they would say.  What was important is that I could go to them with any struggle.  With any problem.  With any question.  With any concern.  And, like family, they would receive me and offer what they felt I needed most.  Perhaps some would only listen and cluck their tongue.  Perhaps another would give me a cryptic and inscrutable koen that I could mull over and tease apart like a knot.  Perhaps others would send me a story from their own experience or some words of wisdom from having been there before as well. 

“The family endures because it offers the truth of mortality and immortality within the same group. The family endures because, better than the commune, kibbutz, or classroom, it seems to individualize and socialize its children, to make us feel at the same time unique and yet joined to all humanity, accepted as is and yet challenged to grow, loved unconditionally and yet propelled by greater expectations. Only in the family can so many extremes be reconciled and synthesized. Only in the family do we have a lifetime in which to do it.

-Letty Cottin Pogrebin

What is important about family is that they allow you to experience, learn, grow, explore and teach in structured environment.  There will always be rules but these rules are based on mutual respect and consideration.  There will always be squabbles but they are generally insignificant when compared to the true bond that is shared.  A child may struggle…a child may slip…a child may fall.  But if that child has a good family then that child will triumph in his struggle.  He will recover from a slip.  He will pick himself up after a fall.  And what is most beautiful of all, the child will grow to be an outstanding resource for the next generation of children that come behind him. 

Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man that he didn’t already have.  We all come into this existence with some measure of potential.  The family unit is the catalyst for this potential.  The family does not GIVE the potential.  The family can only help the individual exercise and tap that potential.  If it is a good family then the possibilities are endless.

The Temple uses the word Family.  Some people may be put off by this because their own experience with their own family has been less then pleasant.  Others may be put off by it because they have a great family and are hesitant to accept those that are not biologically related.

What I think needs to be stressed is:

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof. - Richard Bach, Illusions (1977)

  

I lay back with a smile on my face.  It would be very easy for me to be selfish and to ignore or give up on this child I was struggling with.  But, wasn’t that why he was having so much trouble in the first place?   My Temple Family has been patient with me through a lot of questions.  Through a lot of confusion.  Through many requests for clarification.  They have sat back and let me explore, learn, experience, question and grow.  A gentle nudge here, a smack on the bottom there, a smile and praise at other times.  I love and respect my Family for their patience with me.  For their belief in me when I questioned my belief in myself.   My son is not a looser.  He is not stupid or slow.  He is simply young and has had some things happen that were not his fault.  I can’t blame him for struggling with things as a result. 

We ask each Family member to empty their cup when they arrive.

If I am so impatient and self centered as to ignore my own child when he needs help emptying his cup…..if I am so selfish that I can’t give him the Elixir of Life to refill it once it is empty….if I am so impatient with his attempts….then I have not learned from the patient and generous example that the Temple has set for me.  If I cannot embrace their grace and hold myself to the same level of excellence…then I am not worthy to be of this Family.

I can though.  I can learn from those I respect and love and admire.  And I can teach and share that which has been given to me with trust to others that earn and deserve that privilege.

The family is the test of freedom; because the family is the only thing that the free man makes for himself and by himself.  -Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874–1936)

I Am One of Us.  Are You?

***This is an essay I wrote as a Member of the Priesthood in the Temple of the Vampire. It is posted on our board in "The Priesthood Speaks" section for those who are new.  If you are intrested in the Temple of the Vampire after reading it, please visit us at www.vampiretemple.com

I Am A H8ter

(Originally written on 27 September 2009)

Today, I was called a hater.

At first, I was annoyed. I thought to myself that the people calling me a hater were being ridiculous because I did not feel I was behaving in a hateful manner.  The jist of the situation was that another individual was infringing his will on my world. I am a pretty cool person and I am pretty cool with others doing whatever they want. I don't care what their skin color is. I don't care what their sexual orientation is. I don't care if they have a pork chop fetish or happen to love the Grateful Dead. I honestly really don't care very much unless some one else crosses the line and refuses to give me the same base level of respect that I grant all others.

Having  just got off the phone with one of my best friends in the whole wide world, I am moved to address this. Maybe for those who started it. Maybe for those who wondered what the heck was going on. And, maybe for myself.  I smile as I type this because it all clicked while I was talking to my friend.  "Josie", he says to me (about a completely unrelated situation around my job), "Josie, you are sometimes so polite and so well mannered and so professional that you do give the impression of being a door mat. I know you aren't a door mat. YOU know you aren't a door mat. But some people do interpret lack of response to an assault as showing weakness versus showing restraint."

So. Now it suddenly dawns on me. The whole hater thing. I have to laugh now. I detest the entire "hater" notion, urban theory, what have you for one simple reason. That reason is that it is an attempt to manipulate the behavior of those you percieve as weaker then you (or those you are threatened by) by tapping into that common herd fear of "not being part of the group".  Oh...don't complain...you are being a hater. Don't snitch. You are being a hater.  Translation? Be a door mat so I  can continue to wipe my feet on you.  And you know what? There are actually people who buy into this entire ludicrous theory. Oh! God forbid I stand up for myself or others will think I am bad. Agressive. Out of line. The squeaky wheel. The hater. 

In the Satanic Bible, Anton LaVey said the following:

"You cannot love everyone; it is ridiculous to think you can. If you love everyone and everything you lose your natural powers of selection and wind up being a pretty poor judge of character and quality. If anything is used too freely it loses its true meaning. Therefore, the Satanist believes you should love strongly and completely those who deserve your love, but never turn the other cheek to your enemy!"
This happens to be one of the statements from the Satanic Bible that I resonated with the most when I first read it. Why? Because it is true. And, if that makes me a hater, then so be it. I am not afraid of the labels a petty and ignorant society throws at me. I accept your "label". I wear it with pride. Because it is true. Because I understand hate, I am also capable of understanding what real true love is and recognizing it in my life. I am not afraid of hate. I embrace it as the duality to a balanced psyche.

I refuse to be a door mat and allow others to step on my rights, my pleasures, or my desires.  I refuse to be bullied into feeling guilty or bad that I stand up for my self and for what I want.  I refuse to play silly herd games with people who have no grasp or concept of anything outside their own limited sphere of commercialized brainwashing.

I hate anyone who gets in my way. I hate anyone who does not feed my dream. I hate anyone who suggests for even one moment that I do not deserve a modicum of basic respect. And, perhaps, I hate most of all, anyone who has the audacity to suggest that I shut up and accept their idea of what I should or should not be. 

"After an inferior man has been taught a doctrine of superiority he will remain as inferior as he was before his lesson. He will merely assume himself to be superior, and attempt to employ his recently-learned tactics against his own kind, whom he will then consider his inferiors. With each inferior man enjoying what he considers his unique role, the entire bunch will be reduced to a pack of strutting, foppish, self-centered monkeys gamboling about on an island of ignorance. There they will play their games under the supervision of their keeper, who was and will always be a superior man." - Anton LaVey

I can now sit back and smile. Go ahead and employ your tactics on your peers. They are perfect as they will accept this as that is their lot in life. They will buy into the tactics. They will fear not being accepted or part of the group.

I, however, do not...and will not.  I may be fun. I may be sexy. I may be smart and a good cook and a good person to talk to. But do not let my civility fool you. I am not one of you and never have been.  Enjoy your games.  I have bigger things in life to attend to.

Now. What you might really be amused (or confused by) is the fact that I don't actually hate the two young men who said these things to me this morning. But, Josie....you said... HUSH. I know what I said. And that hate is directed towards people who have the ability or proximity to actually cause me real distress or inconvenience.  These two young men are just that. Young men. Playing a game. Maybe being serious. Maybe being silly. It really matters not. I don't hate them because they are really nothing in my world. I am sure they are something to someone. I am not trying to put them down. Only pointing out that it is far more relevent to me that we are almost out of ketchup here in the Seven household then what either of them think about me.  

A very special thank you to my Brother Nox for our chat tonight. I love You.  And I love my other dear friends who I know will read this and smile.

And a VERY very special thank you to the two young men who reminded me that I am a hater. And I am damned proud of it.

There are many who would take my time. I shun them.
There are some who share my time. I am entertained by them.
There are precious few who contribute to my time. I cherish them.