Him

I like to put a picture or graphic with each blog post. Y'all have probably realized that by now. So, I found one of a man holding a woman tight and it said, 

"Love says: I've seen the ugly parts of you, and I'm staying."

But, I couldn't use that one because I knew he'd gently comment that he hadn't seen anything ugly yet. 

How nice to just know that he loves me and that my heart knows he would say that.

Last night after I posted that blog post I had a full blown panic attack. For those who have experienced one, it was one of those heart pounding, throat swelling, so sick I vomited twice had to hide in the shower and sob ones.

For those who never have had one....well, you can imagine. I was just beyond the ability to calm down or relax and I was shaking and could not stop tears from rolling down my face. The harder I tried to stop it, the worse it got and the stupider I felt.

Thomas finally got home and I was a mess. He read my blog post so that I didn't have to erode my throat with the caustic words by telling him. I broke down (again) and started to apologize for being weak and not brave and having such a reaction not just at work earlier but now again all these hours later.

Then he said something to me that was like hitting a pause button. He said that it had nothing to do with being brave. He compared it to someone who had been burned by a hot stove. It had hurt me and I was quite well within my rights to NOT have liked being hurt and furthermore it was understandable that I had zero desire to touch the hot stove AGAIN knowing what I did now and not out of line to feel anxiety at the possibility of having to get burned again.

I felt like my stress level dropped by fifty percent immediately. I just sat there. His words always make so much sense. He then went on to comment that to be fair, it wasn't very accurate to compare him to a hot stove because at least a hot stove is useful. I confess that I smiled and giggled (red face swollen and hot from tears but a smile none the less). The stress lowered another notch. It took me a little while longer to fully relax and fall asleep (panic and tears exhaust me more than a triathlon) but I finally did.

(On a side note, had a lovely dream, thank you Both)

I woke up this morning and felt much better. There was still some residual meh but the panic and anxiety have subsided.

I'm so lucky to have him in my life. He is the best medicine in the world.